When my wife and I were first married we instinctively combined all our finances. To us it was just one of the things you do when you get married. It was like getting a new social security card, changing your name, going on a honeymoon – all stuff we just thought newly married coupled did.
It didn’t take us long to discover that not every couple combined their finances.
Understandably, there are cases where keeping finances separate is justified (when there has been some type of financial misconduct). However, in this post I want to address how joining finances can improve your marriage and money relationship.
Benefits of Combining Your Finances
Develop communication skills
When both husband and wife are writing checks or using the debit card from the exact same bank account it forces (in a good way) you to communicate with each other.
Provides accountability
Similar to the first point mentioned above there is more accountability when you combine finances. You either tell your spouse when you went on a spending binge or you let him or her find out. Either way there is no dark corners you can hid in.
Encourages making joint decisions
When husbands and wives have separate checking accounts they usually make independent spending decisions. One partner might think, “since the money in my account is mine I’ll spend it as I wish”. Thus, the wishes of an individual are placed over and above the wishes of a couple.
In our case we sit down together and open our Moneydance financial software and review what we’ve already spend and make a plan for the spending over the next month (we call it a budget 
). We never spend money until it has been ‘approved’ by the other. We don’t check about each transaction, but we just make sure we follow the budget that we agreed to.
Allows you to share financial burdens and financial victories
In too many relationships one partner carries the burden. She might know how much debt they have – down to the penny and he couldn’t even tell you they were in debt. This strains a relationship because the complete burden is placed on one person.
Since finances is a key area for disagreement for many couples when you get you get on the same page with your finances you’ll feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. To accomplish something by yourself is a great feeling, but working side by side with your spouse to accomplish a goal is motivating. You’ll feel better about your overall relationship when you work together.
Fosters financial intimacy
Some couples compliment each other so well. They seem to be on the same page. One of the keys to walking in step with each other is taking care of your finances together. When you make joint financial decisions together then what can get in the way of your relationship? Good, healthy money management becomes a glue that helps hold your together instead of a plank that keeps pulling you apart.
Helps you make better financial decisions as a couple
I’ve had some great ideas – until my wife looked at the same thing. My wife and I have different financial temperaments. In general I’m more likely to make a dumb financial mistake because I want to try everything to see how it works. My wife is more financially reserved. We find that those slight differences actually work to our advantage. When I was first interested in investing with Lending Club my wife was a little more hesitant about it. That forced me to go back and do a little more research. In the end, I think we made a more informed decision if I didn’t have the accountability that my wife provided.
Combining both our wisdom is always better than one of us acting independently.
Should money ever be handled separately?
As I mentioned at the start of this article combining finances is not for everyone. Some couples have deep trust issues. Some have a proven track record of financial mismanagement. Some couples jointly agree that it is better for one spouse not to have any interaction or contact with the finances. Still, in those types of situations you need to find a way to make money a source of unity not division.
Even if you chose to join your finances I would encourage couples to consider dividing a handling a portion of their finances separately.
You should have his money and her money
Even when you join finances you can still, by mutual agreement, have his money and her money. My wife and I have separate entertainment funds. My wife gets a certain number of dollars to spend on whatever she wishes, up to the agreed on amount. I also get the same.
Divide areas of deep contention
I know a couple who always had serious disagreements when they discussed how to use their giving money. As a result they now split the money in half and he gives away half and she gives away half. In this case, if the husband and wife were forced to agree on the same things, for the sake of marital unity, it would tear them apart.
Do you combine your finances? What do you recommend?
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My wife and I also combined our finances around the time of our marriage (I think it was technically a bit before), as one of those things that you do. It has worked splendidly for us, for all of the reasons that you stated above.
Another reason to have a small pool of personal money is for gift giving. It’s hard to give a surprise gift to my wife when she can see where and how much I purchased something for. Without those separate stashes of money (agreed-upon in advance), it takes some very creative juggling to hide a present.
This was a great post. As one year newlyweds, we have combined and planned together since a few months prior to our wedding. We combine all and have an equal amount of ‘fun’/discretionary money every two weeks. We can easily stick to the necessary expenses in our normal monthly budget which goes nice and smooth. But it’s those variable expenses that we tend to get stuck on, because we don’t think EXACTLY alike….close but not EXACTLY=bickering. The part we had a hard time with is planning to spend our ‘baby’ budget and home improvements budget that we put aside for. Since these are equal annual spending/savings sums, we’ve decided that my husband has ‘final say’ in home budget and I have the final say in ‘baby’ dept. so we don’t just go back and forth all week. By keeping the peace this way, husband is involved, though I’m the primary financial manager. I have to really suck it up to give him ultimate control in an area, but I figure it’s good ‘insurance’ so he doesn’t go total rebellion on me one day and do something crazy in the finance dept. or worse, take control of the whole thing and not let me plan anything. Not that he would….would he?
We do entertainment funds also, but we call them “allowances” because it keeps us feeling young.
We like having combined finances because there is less room for things to fall through the cracks. One credit card bill to monitor, one automatic withdrawal account for bills – it works great for control freaks like us.
This article provides some really important things to think about. Awesome! I am recently engaged and my fiancee and I are really getting serious about talking about these things, though it isn’t completely new. We are both quite good with our finances, but I would say he is even better than I am and that has given me motivation to be better myself. I realize that even if it’s something we haven’t spent a lot of time talking about up until this point, he has definitely influenced me in a good way already. I do look forward to combining that part of our lives along with everything else and becoming a stronger couple all around. Thanks for the article!
We combine finances, and found it has helped tremendously. We have a joint checking that takes care of household things like rent, bills, groceries, etc. We have a joint savings for goals we’re both going for. We also have our individual accounts for personal spending. It’s definitely a great thing to have.
We combined our finances and wouldn’t have it any other way! We also have seperate small spending budgets as well. We each have our own spending debit card-that is automatically funded each month. This way, we don’t have to worry about every transaction that is posted.
Craig – Interesting that we wrote about the same topic on the same day. And we came to the same conclusion. I’m with you — combining our finances has helped my wife and I work together on our finances. We have never had any financial trust issues since we both know everything that’s going on with our finances.
I’ve never figured out the whole “keep things separate” deal with money in marriage. After all, marriage is about unity and oneness right? Yeah, sometimes I just want to go spend on whatever I want, but the benefits far outweigh the one negative!
It’s totally economies of scale which help so much. Don’t need two of everything any more and rent/mortgage is attacked together. So good!
Fantastic and incredibly well-written post!
My husband and I are quite fiscally compatible, so much so, I may have taken that for granted a little bit. We co-habited for about eight months prior to getting married and we joined finances at the onset because it was clear in what direction we were headed. I am the family’s money manager. I consult him on what direction we should head in. At Christmas time, I use the debit card and he gets a cash advance in the amount of our pre-determined agreed upon limit so I will not know what goodies he’s brought.
We are of the firm belief that there is no other way to do marriage then to go all in – and that includes finances. I do not want to withhold anything from my husband. It is our hope and expectation that we never divorce, but if we do, I can soundly say I gave it 110%.
Last point – I take the approach that our marriage is a corporation and my job as the money manager is to improve our collective net worth, save amply for secure and comfortable retirement, and acquire assets. It’s a long road, but we are getting there. I have even started to read PF books to educate myself, I feel it’s a way to honor my role as the money manager.