According to Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages, people understand emotional messages from others in five different ways. He calls these ways “love languages.”
He insists that in order for your spouse to understand the feelings that you are trying to convey, you must speak her love language.
The Five Love Languages
The five languages that Chapman discusses are:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service and
- Physical touch
In light of this teaching, I’d like to offer you five ways to show your wife that you love her for each of those five love languages. Of course you are free to choose ideas from any section of this list. Because if you are speaking your wife’s love language on a regular basis, the other things you do to show affection will just be icing on the cake.
1. Take a walk—alone—without the kids. Ask her about her day. Do not bring up the office. Do not bring up what you want to get done on the house. Do not talk about your bowling league. Just listen.
2. Send the kids to Grandma’s for the weekend. Turn off the phones and the computers and spend time together. It doesn’t matter if you work in the yard or watch back-to-back movies, just be together.
3. Go to bed early and lay in the dark and talk. Cuddle without expectations of anything more, and just share your hearts. Fall asleep knowing that your best friend is right next to you.
4. Work on a project together. Whether cleaning out the attic or planting the garden, working together can give you the opportunity to communicate in a non-threatening way.
5. Establish a regular date night. Just take a drive, walk the mall, or go to the park and swing. Share babysitting with another couple. You could go on Friday nights and they could go on Saturday.
Words of Affirmation
6. Write her poetry. Handwrite your poem on nice stationery. Put it in an envelope with a romantic postage stamp and mail it the old-fashioned way. If she works in an office, mail it to the office so that she can share it with her co-workers.
7. Send her loving text messages throughout the day. A scripture verse to encourage her, a prayer, or just an “I Love You” will make her day.
8. Sing her a song. Remember the first song you danced to? The song that was playing on the radio when you asked her to marry you? Whatever is your song, learn it and perform it. Even if it’s just for her on the back patio or for the whole family over dessert.
9. When she complains about her day, about how the kids were out of control, the washing machine acted up, or that nothing went right, do not offer solutions. Simply encourage her. Tell her she is the best mother in the world. Tell her you’ll wear dirty clothes if you have to. Just build her up without trying to be in control.
10. Pray for her. Daily. And tell her that you are. In fact, ask her what her prayer needs are so that you have something more than “God, please bless my wife today.”
11. Pick her flowers on the way home from work. Don’t pick them out of someone’s garden, like my son did. But pick the wild daisies, the day lilies, or even the dandelions. Every woman likes to receive a bouquet of flowers occasionally.
12. Make her a gift. Do you carve wood, fashion metal, or paint? Create something specifically for your wife. Monogram it. Embellish it. Let her see that you didn’t just give her something out of the workshop, but that you fashioned it with her in mind.
13. Give her one of your T-shirts to sleep in. Let her know that it’s one of your favorites. Or, give her one that reminds her of a special occasion from a place you went together.
14. Ask your mother or sister for a piece of family jewelry (or another heirloom) that your wife would like to have. Give it to her for her birthday or for an anniversary. Have your mother write the history of the piece so that your wife can pass the story on to one of your daughters someday.
15. Again, go to mom and ask if you can raid her picture box. Collect a few pictures of yourself as a child and make a little album for your wife. Write a caption for each picture sharing your memories with her.
Acts of Service
16. See the garden full of weeds? Weed it. Sticking to the kitchen floor? Mop it. Need clothes for work tomorrow? Throw in the laundry. Look for what she didn’t get done that day and do it—without saying anything.
17. Watch the children so your wife can have an evening out. In fact, do this on a regular basis and you will be the most talked about husband on the planet—in a good way.
18. Fix whatever is broken. It doesn’t have to be the big expensive project that you don’t have the money for. Grease the squeaky car door. Re-attach the toilet paper holder to the wall. Caulk the bathroom tub.
19. While she’s away at the grocery store, clean the kitchen. Nothing is worse than coming home to a messy kitchen with a car load of groceries. If you have the time, clean the refrigerator out, too.
20. Cook supper one night a week, or breakfast on the weekends. Even if you just do it once in a while, your wife will love you for it.
21. Kiss her good-bye in the morning—every morning. Kiss her hello in the evening—every evening. Kiss her goodnight—every night.
22. Walk WITH her. Whether you are walking for exercise or just shopping the mall, walk with your wife, not 10 feet ahead of her. Remember that her legs are not as long and it’s harder for her to keep up. Hold her hand so you have to stay by her side.
23. When watching a movie, cuddle on the couch. No his and her chairs.
24. Give her a massage. You don’t have to be a professional massage therapist to help out a wife’s achy back. After the kids go to bed, when she can relax, put a comfy mat on the floor and give her your undivided attention while massaging out all the kinks.
25. Do not walk through a room where your wife is without touching her in some way. Placing your hand on her shoulder, stroking her cheek, or simply running your fingers through her hair all tell her that you love her.
There are 25 ways to tell your wife you love her—for FREE. And I’m sure that you can come up with a lot more. If so, please share them in the comments.