Yahoo.com recently had a great article that contained 9 marriage tips to help you create a relationship that lasts. Linda and I are still rookies since we have only been married 4 years, but I thought I would share some thoughts and hopefully we can get some additional tips and suggestions from some of the veterans out there!
The article was written by a divorce attorney who has been working with couples for over 25 years. She seems to pride herself on saving marriages rather than helping them run right into divorce court – which I appreciate. Her article focused on the 9 things that she deemed valuable when trying to salvage a marriage. As with most things the best way to solve a problem is to prevent it, so I always enjoy trying to find areas that I can improve, in order to prevent problems down the road.
It’s no surprise that her first marriage tip is about finances, since financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. She suggests that all married couples…
Delineate ‘yours,’ ‘mine,’ and ‘ours.’ If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from “together” activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.
Linda and I do have joint accounts and, but we have also come to realize the importance of having money that is for each one of us individually.
Get to the root of the problem
One of the best marriage tips we have learned is that when you have something causing a problem (frequent frustration, fights, etc) – find out what the root issue is and try to resolve it. We have found a few different situations where we noticed we were getting into stupid and silly little disputes and after a few minutes of analysis and discussion we were able to resolve or at least improve the situation.
For us, many of them had to do with expectations that we had of each other. As you can imagine, if I am expecting something of her and she doesn’t know that I am (or how important it is to me) she might not respond the way I was hoping. Clarifying these expectations has always been helpful for us.
A few more of the marriage tips from the article…
- Carve out time to be together.
- Take care of yourself.
- Make sure communication goes both ways.
- Criticize gently.
- Never stop courting one another.
- Keep the flame burning.
- Spell out your terms of endearment.