Comments on: 14 Rules For Money Fights With Your Spouse http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/ Christian Personal Finance - Financial help blog, debt help and other financial resources Tue, 14 Feb 2012 21:22:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Renee http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21314 Renee Sat, 13 Feb 2010 14:06:59 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21314 I appreciate your advice on this one and am truly going to take each point into consideration. I am an avid follower of your blog and look forward to each new post; I love that you believe God is truly important in all you do. This is my issue and was hoping you might be able to help me understand my partners point of view. We have "fights" over money all the time. I am the one that is responsible for paying all the bills and making sure things like appointments for the kids, renewal for insurance, premiums and everything else that is part of daily life is taken care of. He does help and contributes to housework, shuffling kids to and from school and taking care of the pets. He also contributes by giving me his paycheck every week. His idea of helping with the finances is that, he gives me the money. He has no idea where we are financially and has no desire to get involved at all. This situation causes me to resent him and feel bitter and lonely when it's time to <a href="http://christianpf.com/how-to-pay-bills/" rel="nofollow">pay bills</a> or work on our budget. We just had our second child eight months ago and unfortunately the delivery didn't go as planned so medical bills have piled up. He was also laid off over a year ago and although he's had work here and there it hasn't been consistent. He feels I'm nagging him about not having enough money. We are living ok, tighter than before, but were living. The issue I have is not about the money but about the fact that he doesn't get involved financially. Am I overreacting to this situation or should I just let it go and continue to be the one to worry about our financial situation. I appreciate your advice on this one and am truly going to take each point into consideration. I am an avid follower of your blog and look forward to each new post; I love that you believe God is truly important in all you do.

This is my issue and was hoping you might be able to help me understand my partners point of view. We have “fights” over money all the time. I am the one that is responsible for paying all the bills and making sure things like appointments for the kids, renewal for insurance, premiums and everything else that is part of daily life is taken care of. He does help and contributes to housework, shuffling kids to and from school and taking care of the pets. He also contributes by giving me his paycheck every week. His idea of helping with the finances is that, he gives me the money. He has no idea where we are financially and has no desire to get involved at all.

This situation causes me to resent him and feel bitter and lonely when it’s time to pay bills or work on our budget. We just had our second child eight months ago and unfortunately the delivery didn’t go as planned so medical bills have piled up. He was also laid off over a year ago and although he’s had work here and there it hasn’t been consistent. He feels I’m nagging him about not having enough money. We are living ok, tighter than before, but were living. The issue I have is not about the money but about the fact that he doesn’t get involved financially.

Am I overreacting to this situation or should I just let it go and continue to be the one to worry about our financial situation.

]]> By: lily http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21271 lily Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:54:37 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21271 this has been the best advise I've received this year. thank you. this has been the best advise I’ve received this year. thank you.

]]> By: Craig Ford http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21204 Craig Ford Wed, 10 Feb 2010 20:39:21 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21204 @bondChristian Perhaps a couple who usually has private discussions should try it in public and see which works best for them. @Kiesha Thanks for the comment. I agree that it doesn’t matter who picks up the problem first. However, in experience working with couples 99% of the time the woman knows there is a serious problem long before the man even knows there is a problem. @Joe I appreciate your thoughts on the public setting. I included that on the list because it has been proven time and time again (in many disciplines) that people act differently in public than they do in private. Without exception people are more likely to act better in public. I figure if a couple is having money fights they need to do everything possible to get to the heart of the issue. I having the discussion in public give them a little advantage then I’d say go for it. But, I see your point, if a couple ‘needs’ the social setting they are in serious trouble. @bondChristian
Perhaps a couple who usually has private discussions should try it in public and see which works best for them.
@Kiesha
Thanks for the comment. I agree that it doesn’t matter who picks up the problem first. However, in experience working with couples 99% of the time the woman knows there is a serious problem long before the man even knows there is a problem.
@Joe
I appreciate your thoughts on the public setting. I included that on the list because it has been proven time and time again (in many disciplines) that people act differently in public than they do in private. Without exception people are more likely to act better in public. I figure if a couple is having money fights they need to do everything possible to get to the heart of the issue. I having the discussion in public give them a little advantage then I’d say go for it.
But, I see your point, if a couple ‘needs’ the social setting they are in serious trouble.

]]> By: Kiesha @ Highly Favored http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21192 Kiesha @ Highly Favored Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:53:00 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21192 Thank you for this insightful set of ground rules. #5 and #9 are my favorite - especially important because it allow communication to actually happen as opposed to just talking at each other. I appreciate your honestly about a woman's intuition about when things are amiss - it's truly admiral - I don't think you're being sexist, but really it doesn't matter which partner picks up on the problem first as long as somebody recognizes it and does something. Thank you for this insightful set of ground rules. #5 and #9 are my favorite – especially important because it allow communication to actually happen as opposed to just talking at each other.
I appreciate your honestly about a woman’s intuition about when things are amiss – it’s truly admiral – I don’t think you’re being sexist, but really it doesn’t matter which partner picks up on the problem first as long as somebody recognizes it and does something.

]]> By: Joe http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21191 Joe Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:02:12 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21191 Craig, Great list of ideas, but I am still chewing on the first one. It seems that if things are so volatile as to require a public setting, then real communication would be stifled. Put another way, if the couple could follow the remaining guidelines, they wouldn't "need" this social setting in order to be civil. Craig,
Great list of ideas, but I am still chewing on the first one. It seems that if things are so volatile as to require a public setting, then real communication would be stifled. Put another way, if the couple could follow the remaining guidelines, they wouldn’t “need” this social setting in order to be civil.

]]> By: Kick debt off http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21186 Kick debt off Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:01:41 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21186 @Marchal Jones Jr Well said.. we should constantly work to create an enviroment where we can talk about 'our stuff' without letting the whole village know! @Marchal Jones Jr
Well said.. we should constantly work to create an enviroment where we can talk about ‘our stuff’ without letting the whole village know!

]]> By: bondChristian http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21167 bondChristian Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:15:03 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21167 Yes, the first one threw me as well. I would have expected it to work better in private. I can see where you're coming from though... and something I'll have to remember. Also, #12 is dead on. It can seem so useless, but every time I've done it, I've realized how disjointed I am. In any argument, it's easy to end up talking past each other. -Marshall Jones Jr. Yes, the first one threw me as well. I would have expected it to work better in private. I can see where you’re coming from though… and something I’ll have to remember.

Also, #12 is dead on. It can seem so useless, but every time I’ve done it, I’ve realized how disjointed I am. In any argument, it’s easy to end up talking past each other.

-Marshall Jones Jr.

]]> By: Evan http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21161 Evan Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:03:02 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21161 That appropriate setting is HUGE. I (get really upset) when the wife tries to discuss money in front of others (doesn't even have to be a fight). That appropriate setting is HUGE. I (get really upset) when the wife tries to discuss money in front of others (doesn’t even have to be a fight).

]]> By: Robd http://christianpf.com/money-fights-marriage-counseling/comment-page-1/#comment-21149 Robd Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:28:46 +0000 http://christianpf.com/?p=5228#comment-21149 Good tips...I enjoyed the article. Good tips…I enjoyed the article.

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